5 Things that Look Like True Love but Actually Aren’t
When we are looking for love, we always want to meet someone who is sweet, kind and supportive. And it’s not unheard of to wish for your romantic relationship to become a perfect example of that proverbial true love even.
But that fantasy can shatter when you realize that all this time, you have been with a manipulator and not a lover. That their words and actions were meant to control you and not motivate you.
Remember that time when the world fell in love with the tales of Bella and Edward, Ana and Christian, Penny and Leonard? At first glance, they made people think about how much of a perfect, happy couple they are before understanding dawned. Understanding and accepting that what they have is toxic love.
There may be different ways to show true love — but not like these. | Photo by Jasmine Wallace Carter on Pexels
But have you looked at what you and your partner have? Was it the intimate relationship you’ve always pictured in your daydreams, or has it become the physical manifestation of your nightmares?
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If things are blurry for you right now, we’ll help you find that fine line between the two. In this relationship advice, learn the five subtle signs that may seem like “true love” on the surface but actually aren’t. Read on.
1. Using the “But, I love you!” excuse.
True love does not make manipulative excuses. | Photo by Tan Danh on Pexels
“Why are you angry at me? I only punched them because they were getting too close. But, I love you! That’s why I did it in the first place!”
This deceptive line is not unheard of in relationships, but that doesn’t make it alright in any way.
If your partner uses this line as a justification for their inappropriate actions — such as extreme jealousy — then that’s one clue that they are trying to control you and your reactions. They could be simply distracting you from their fault to get back to your good graces.
Listen that the emphasis is on how you should acquiesce simply because it’s all “for you,” and that there is not even a tiny bit of effort in understanding what the actual issue is.
This is a manipulative move you should not accept in a relationship. Because if your partner truly loves you, they would learn to communicate issues and not guilt you out of asking for an explanation.
2. Incessant checking up on you.
There must be trust in true love. | Photo by ira dulger on Pexels
“Where are you now?”
“Text me in 5 minutes.”
“Tell me the names of those coming with you, and every place you go. Check-in everytime.”
Can’t go to parties or visit friends without your partner tailing you or asking for an update every few minutes? No, this isn’t a sweet behavior in whatever sense of the word, rather a creepy stalking method.
Healthy relationships have trust and respect for boundaries as basic foundations. If they can’t give you that and trust you enough to be away from them, then they aren’t worth having in your life.
Love shouldn’t scare you and limit you from experiencing happiness and other meaningful connections with others. In no way is it fine for a romantic relationship to require you to cut off ties from family and friends.
While looking out for a partner is admirable, too much of it is suffocating.
3. Not accepting “no.”
True love knows how to listen. | Photo by Dexon Dave Silva on Pexels
“That’s not a valid argument. We’re still going to the celebration. You’ll understand me soon enough, you’ll see.”
First and foremost, no is a complete sentence that doesn’t need any further explanation. If your partner can’t accept that and respect a simple decision, you can expect that, in time, they will not listen to any more of your thoughts and beliefs.
Any respectable partner — or human being, for that — knows when to back up when another doesn’t share their opinion or action. A “no” can mean that someone is not comfortable doing something, or that they cannot commit to any additional work. But whatever the no is for, respect it as it is and move along.
Remember: Coercion is never sexy.
Beware of anyone who can’t handle being told “no.” The warning bells are ringing loud and clear.
4. Doing things “for your own good.”
No true love would force you into doing things you don’t like. | Photo by Oliver Sjöström on Pexels
“You should listen to me. I know better.”
Your partner goes beyond the lines of helpful caring if they are teaching you a “better” way to do things, especially about matters that are supposed to be your own personal concerns. These can include your job, your fashion statement and even what you eat.
You’d expect those things would be left for you to decide about since, well, they’re yours! But less-than-noble intentions really do happen in toxic relationships.
Such actions only show how much they do not respect your individuality and personal agency. It’s as if your partner wants total control over you and the relationship, and wants to correct “wrong” variables that are not up to their taste.
At its core, this action has red flags written all over it.
5. Name-calling.
True love never puts anyone down. | Photo by Bruno Thethe on Pexels
“Why are hung up over a simple joke? You are so sensitive. Lighten up; that was just play fighting…”
Your partner finds it funny and actually sweet to call you words such as “dumb,” “crazy” or “wench.” And when you confront them about this, they turn it around and put the blame on you for being “sensitive.”
How many of the people you know consider this a common couple thing? However, you should not. And also remember that you’re not at fault for not feeling OK with name calling.
Your emotions are acceptable, whatever they may be. But their actions are not — it’s obviously targeting you to slowly emulate such words until you start to believe them. Also, mean names are never funny or cute.
While the line between sweet and suffocating truly is sometimes confusing, it is important to be vigilant of your partner’s actions and what they mean.
Learn to communicate properly and honestly. Never forget that you are still two different individuals who may or may not share the same outlook on things, so always be respectful and understanding. Remember, we love to be happy and to grow, and not the opposite.
If what you feel is the opposite, then it’s not and never will be true love.
